by Camilla Washington
​Help, I'm Drowning! was first published on GreatFamilies.net on June 27, 2020.

​In the midst of our current social struggles, we thought it would be good to hear the heart of one of our local pastors. Camilla and  her husband, Barry Washington, are pastors of  Whole Man Ministries in Winston-Salem. We can all join her prayer for God’s guidance on what we can do to build bridges rather than barriers.
 
 
HELP, I'M DROWNING!
 
Racism: prejudice against another group of people (especially those of color)
 
I'm just tired of the status quo … a conference on white against black, a book on being black in a white America, and the list goes on. HELP!

I want at the least my city to be better for my sons and grandchildren. HELP!

There appears to be a secret code in society, in our community, where as long as you go along you will get along, but if you choose to do something like expose racism (whether covert or overt) it's a problem. HELP!

God, help us to see that You have fearfully and wonderfully made all of us in your image and likeness. Help us to cross over and help someone that does not look like me. Help us to be transformed into the men and women of God You are calling us to be by renewing our mind daily with the word of God! Help me to be mindful of who You are in my life and what You have called me to do in Jesus’ mighty name. HELP!

Father, let me be a beacon of light in this very dark land. HELP!

Father, help me to express my feelings without emotionally attacking someone who doesn't quite see things the way I see things. HELP!

​Father, show me how and what to do in Jesus’ name. HELP! I'M DROWNING!

What happened to 2020 ... ? was included in an email from First Things First on 6/17/20.

Earlier this week I received an email from First Things First, an organization in Chattanooga dedicated to strengthening marriages and families. If you aren't familiar with all the resources available on their website you can check them out at www.FirstThings.org.

I was challenged by this thought from their opening paragraph: That maybe the reason the future looks blurry and confusing is because we are looking at it through the lenses of our past. See what you think ...

What happened to 2020 being the year of clear vision?

If you think back to the end of 2019 (feels like 3 years ago, right?), you might remember a lot of businesses and individuals claiming 2020 would be "the year for clear vision." And here we are, right in the middle of 2020, with overwhelmingly confusing and blurry vision.
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But what if we've had the wrong glasses on the whole time? What if we took off the lenses of our past and allowed ourselves to focus on right now? We just might have a clearer vision than ever before.

2020 has been full of change. And change is never easy. If we're not careful, we can wind up in a blur without processing or taking in the change that's happening around us. But when we choose to practice our focus on the present, the future becomes clearer, too.
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So here is your challenge: Do something today to strengthen your relationships in this moment. Call a friend. Hug a family member. Tell someone you love them. And then never lose focus of what matters right now.

The World Is Reopening, And I'm Not Ready was first posted on FirstThings.org.

First, the world shut down. It was inevitable as COVID-19 was spreading. But you weren’t sure how you’d handle it. Work, school, health, friends, jobs, money. There was so much uncertainty.
 
Then, at some point, you settled. You recognized what you could control. You started making the best of it and even realized that it wasn’t so bad. Who are we kidding? You were surprised at how much you were enjoying it. Slower pace. Family time has been fun time. Meaningful conversations with friends. You found your routine.
 
You noticed the anxiety level in your home decrease. Not because of the absence of issues. Jobs aren’t all steady. Health concerns are everywhere. There’s lots of unrest in America right now. But the slower pace, the presence of the people you care most about, the ability to connect with family and friends, even if they are virtual connections, has helped you to live and process life in real time.
 
During pre-quarantine days, many of us were moving so fast that we were simply going through the motions of life, but weren’t processing all that we were experiencing. We had become accustomed to our way of doing life and never considered alternatives. And now the world is ready to open up and you’re not sure you’re ready to give up the benefits of this new lifestyle. So what do you do?
 
If You Aren’t Ready, Try These Things

Accept: Just like we accepted the shelter-in-place orders and the fact that COVID-19 was spreading. We must accept that the world can’t stay shut down forever.

Identify your fears: This could be anything from COVID-19 to busyness. You may be scared of losing the deep connections you’ve formed. The return of stress, anxiety, perpetual activity. Loneliness.

Name what you don’t want to lose: Family time, slower pace, meaningful conversations, quiet time, game/movie nights, time for mindfulness, and self-care.

Be intentional: Just because the world is opening up doesn’t mean you have to dive in headfirst and resume everything you were doing before. Identify the things you have to do. Think through the things that are optional.

Practice using one of the most powerful words in the English dictionary: NO. Be willing to say “no” to those things that compromise the very things you’ve said you don’t want to lose. You WILL say NO to a lot of good things. Good will often keep you from BEST.

You may not be ready for the world to reopen for many reasons. Taking control of what you CAN will help you to re-enter the world with purpose.

by Dr. Gary Chapman
5 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage While Living with Stress was first posted on GreatFamilies.net on June 1, 2020.

The present situation finds many couples trying to adapt to a new lifestyle.  Such efforts can create stress on the marital relationship.  I have recently written an e-book on how to strengthen your marriage during these trying times.  In this blog, I want to give you a brief summary of the ideas I shared. 

1.  Call a truce on throwing word bombs. 
Everything we say is either a bomb or a balm. Your words either encourage or discourage your spouse. Under stress we often release large or small verbal bombs, which explode in the heart of our spouse. Such explosions always diminish our relationship. Why not sit down and see if you can agree to call a truce on word bombs for the next week. Chances are you will create a climate in which you might even be able to sign a ‘peace treaty’.

2.  Tear down emotional walls.
Many couples have allowed past failures to build an emotional wall between the two of them. It is hard to talk through a wall or over a wall. Walls come down through apology and forgiveness. Why not ask God to show you where you have failed your spouse in the past. Get your pencil ready, because He will answer that prayer. Then confess those failures to God and accept His forgiveness. Then go to your spouse and say, “I’ve been thinking about us, and I know that I have failed you in many ways. I asked God to remind me of my failures and I have asked Him to forgive me, and if you will allow me, I would like to share these with you, and ask you to forgive me.”

They may not forgive you immediately, but they will walk away thinking, “That is different. All I have heard for weeks is condemnation and blaming me.  Now, they are apologizing.” God can use your apology to open their heart.

3.  Discover and speak each other’s love language.
Once walls are demolished, then love can flow freely. Speaking love in a language that is meaningful to your spouse will touch them deeply. Our deepest emotional need is the need to feel loved by the significant people in our lives. If you are married, the person you would most like to love you is your spouse.

4.  Learn the value of teamwork.
Certainly we are different in many ways, but differences need not divide. In fact, they can be assets. Look for the personality traits in your spouse that have irritated you in the past. Now ask God to show you how these may be an asset. Ask Him to help you to not only accept your spouse, but to appreciate the things that formally irritated you.

5.  Have a daily ‘sit down and listen’ time.
We normally say, “sit down and talk.” But what most of us need to do is “sit down and listen.” This means that instead of responding immediately with our ideas, we ask questions to make sure we truly understand what our spouse is saying and how they feel. The psychologist call this ‘empathetic listening’. It is trying to put yourself in the shoes of your spouse and see the world through their eyes. Then verbally affirm their ideas and feelings. When they feel affirmed, then they are more likely to hear your perspective.

For more information on these five approaches to strengthening your marriage you may want to read my newest book: 5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage . . . When You’re Stuck at Home Together. Available on Amazon as e-book June 2 or pre-order print book to be released June 16.